Tuesday, August 12, 2014

It's been a month

It has been actually over a month since Battley went to Heaven.  Thank you all so much for all you have done for us...the meals, the texts, the calls, the visits, PRAYING for us...it all means so much and we really feel loved.  THANK YOU!

I don't have anything super profound to say.  We are still in shock and it doesn't seem real at times.  Adam and I are giving ourselves time.  Time to be sad if we want to...time to laugh...time to be grouchy...whatever.  We are going easy on us...including the boys.

You have asked if I will continue to blog...I don't know.  I have some things I do want to say.  Typing them is sometimes more than I can do right now though.  After that I just don't know.  You have asked if I will go back to work...I don't know.  We are praying that the Lord will guide us in what to do now in this very different phase.  For now I do know that we are (as a friend says) walking it out...walking out our grief daily...heck...hourly.  And as she says...if you catch me in a moment, please just hug and pat.

I have said this a lot over the past few weeks, so please forgive if you have heard it before: I used to think that people "those people" who had lost a child had some sort of enlightenment that none of the rest of "us" had.  Like they knew some magic words to say to someone who has dealt with some kind...any kind...of grief.  Well....won't be the first time, but I was wrong...WRONG!  I read the following and want to share it because it is SO TRUE!  PEOPLE...let's give ourselves a break...just saying "I am sorry" is good.  NO words will "help" and that's okay...just knowing friends are there means all it can mean at the time and that is GOOD ENOUGH!   

C

When your friend is in the depths of grief, especially when it comes to the loss of a baby or child, there is nothing that you can say that will make the situation any better. That is the truth right there. There is no "At Least" There is no "Silver Lining". There is just a bitter, cold darkness. Unless you can bring their loved one back, let go of the urge to try and come up with something profound or wise to say that is going to magically change the situation. Giving out advice is not going to help unless your friend specifically asks for it. Why? Because when you are in the depths of grief, there is no light and nothing helps. It is just the reality of grief and it is normal. So instead of trying to fix your friend, sit down with them in the dark. Let them hold onto you. While you both might be standing in the same place with a solid ground beneath you, their ground feels as though it is moving and breaking all around them. It is unstable and unpredictable. It is all that they can concentrate on.

So often people believe they have to try and make their friend feel better. They have to make them happy again. What they don't know is that the easiest option of how to help is the only one that usually makes a difference. All you have to do is sit with your friend and acknowledge that yes, this is truly awful and that you are there for them. Avoid "at least" at all costs. These two words are so incredibly damaging. When you use them you are basically telling your friend that they should not feel the way they do.

Allow your friend to speak their heart. Let them cry and be angry. Don't change the subject. Let them be the one to do that. Be honest with them, if you don’t know what to say, just tell them that. Let them know that you are there for them and that you are sorry that you do not have the words to make things better. Your honesty is appreciated.

If you can sit in the dark with your friend and just listen to them without judging them or making them feel like they should be happy because of whatever reason, then you are a wonderful friend. Just wrap your arms around them and give them a hug.

Be patient and forgiving. Your friend is in the darkest of places and unless you have been there yourself, you cannot comprehend what they are enduring. Don't wait for the old friend to come back. They are long gone. Your friend is a different person now and that is not a bad thing - it is just a different thing. They must learn how to live again and that takes time.

I hope I have made some sort of sense here. My mind is a little fuzzy since it is 2am but this is what is on my heart at the moment and I felt drawn to share this tonight.

With love,

CarlyMarie

{Website} http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/

Monday, July 7, 2014

Celebration of Battley's LIFE

Our celebration was beautiful.  The music lifted us up like you wouldn't believe.  We put this video together for the service.  It was emotionally draining to make, but good for the soul.  

C


Monday, June 30, 2014

Arrangements

Visitation at 1pm Thursday, July 3rd, 2014, at Grace Crossing Baptist Church
Celebration of LIFE Service following at 2pm 
598 Yandell Road, Canton, MS 39046
We will Celebrate Battley on Thursday as we have so many other Thursdays
Please wear bright colors for a Celebration

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to either of the following in honor of Battley Cate Terhune.  We selected each fund for different reasons that we want to share:

1) The Hayden Casavechia Palliative Care Fund at www.umc.edu/givenow

* As you know, Battley saw the Palliative Care team at Batson Hospital.  These people are so very special to us.  This is Battley's main number 1 doc.  I would like to share soon what he did for our family, but know that he went more than above and beyond.  Battley and Superman Dr B:

 This is from Hayden Casavechia's Family:


I met Hayden's mother, Lauren, at an event I spoke at a long time ago.  They wrote an article about it, but I never posted it because I did not care for the way they used my words.  Here it is just because it is an adorable pic of B and you can read more about Hayden.  http://www.ummchealth.com/news/default.aspx?id=2147508834

Hayden and his amazing parents:

 

About Palliative Care:


OR

2) The Connection
670c Hwy 51
Ridgeland, MS 39157

* This was our church for many years.  We recently visited with Battley and were reminded of the premise they started with...if one person comes and brings/tells one person and when that person does the same and so on... then there could be no limit to the Eternal Impact!

The Connection is a missional faith community that focuses on nurturing children from diverse situations and backgrounds. The Connection was begun by the United Methodist Church to "connect people with the love of Jesus" and over the past ten years has evolved into an outreach ministry primarily caring for children. All contributions are tax deductible. 

You have all been SO loving and supportive of us and we THANK YOU.  This is not easy and we are only comforted KNOWING our Battley dances with Jesus now.  We haven't been able to keep up with the calls, texts, emails, and messages.  We know we have missed a few visitors too.  Please know we read each message and appreciate the love more than words can express.  We are surely loved.

C and Adam

 



Sunday, June 29, 2014

Battley Cate is with her Heavenly Father, her Great Physician, her Maker, her Savior, her JESUS

Please be in prayer for her family as we try to do a day without her in our arms

Thank you, friends
C and Adam

Friday, May 2, 2014

Part of an Update

Battley has had a few really good weeks!  She is feeling pretty good!  So much is going on that I am not sure where to start...lists work pretty well:

* she had a sleep study last night.  Her daddy took her.  I am not going to post a pic because they DREW on her FOREHEAD!  It looked like "I" a cross and "I".  I hope it washes off SOON!  They didn't discuss the results with Adam so we will wait for a call from our ENT office.  We pretty much know what the results will be though.  It was for informational purposes only so we know how to proceed with some future decisions.  Nothing drastic is about to happen though.

* therapy is going well.  We have a Big Mack button we are working with.  I will post an old video.  My phone has been full for weeks so I don't have any new pics or videos. 


* B started shaking her head NO last week.  The first day (the day of my video) she just did it all day...then she didn't do it again for a few days.  I kept asking questions and shaking my head YES and NO to help her learn the difference.  FINALLY she shook NO in therapy when she didn't want any more prunes!  She did it one other time in context since, so we are working hard on YES and NO!  How awesome would it be if she could shake YES and NO!!!!



* Battley has a spot again at school in the Fall.  We are going for an evaluation next week!  The evaluation isn't to determine if she can go, but rather to make a plan for her goals there and find the best classroom for her.

* BEST AND MOST IMPORTANT NEWS OF ALL: Battley saw the cardiologist last week.  The last time, other than once when she was sick and then we didn't even see a doc, we saw her was Nov 28, 2012 when we found out she wasn't in heart failure.  Everything was looking the same!  Hooray and Praise the Lord!

Everyone else is good.  Hopefully I will get a minute soon for more...
C